WrestleMania 33 Predictions: A Mixture of Hope and Cynicism

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WrestleMania 33 will be here in a couple of weeks, whether we like it or not. Now that the card is mostly filled, it’s time for predictions! (I will update this when some matches become a bit more clear.)

Goldberg vs. Lesnar (Lesnar)

As much as it pains me, I’m giving this one to Brock. It makes sense story wise for Brock to win this one since Goldberg has managed to beat him down twice. Once in an actual match, and once at Rumble. WrestleMania is probably the best place for this to happen. I can’t imagine Brock holding the title for very long, as he doesn’t seem to show any interest in being around for more than a few matches a year, but maybe times have changed. Who knows. All I want to know is when Finn is getting it back, because we all know that’s going to happen. I just wish he was fighting Kevin for it.

Bray vs Randy (Randy)

This should be a good match, and I’m going to go with Randy. As much as I love Bray Wyatt, and love that he is champion, it would seem a little anti-climatic for Randy to lose. Randy has been playing the long game ever since he returned, and nothing is more disappointing than the long game failing. (Even if you’re “I’ve turned on you” promo is a bit strange.)

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Apparently Sister Abigail was flammable? Or something. IDK

Jericho vs Owens (Owens)

Definitely going with Owens on this. With the rumors that Jericho plans on taking a break to tour with his band, this feels like a pretty certain thing. It would also make Kevin look like even more of a heel, plus it seems wrong for Kevin to not have a title right now, since they took the title from him in a less than awesome way. (At least in my opinion.) The man deserves a title, and I think that he could bring some relevancy back US Title after Roman destroyed any interest we had in it. As is tradition.

Bayley vs Charlotte vs Sasha (Bayley)

(This prediction mainly from a desire for RAW to get their shit together rather than any actual proof that RAW would do anything but screw it up.)

I’m going to go with Bayley, solely because I’m tired of watching the Women’s Championship get juggled around. I also want Sasha to become heel again, and turn on Bayley. However, I want that to be a feud that leads up to Sasha beating her for the title at some later time, not the story be that she won the title off Bayley at WrestleMania and now they are going to go back and forth for it a la Sasha and Charlotte. Just no. And for the love of God, do not put Dana and Nia in this match!

SmackDown Women’s Invitational

This one is hard to predict. It’s very likely that Becky make an appearance, but I’m not sure if she would win it back. A cool option would be an Asuka debut. Asuka has been seen at some house shows, and I’m pretty sure Ember Moon is going to be winning the title off her on NXT as she is the only other woman on their roster who could realistically beat Asuka. One can hope!

The Club vs Enzo and Cass vs Cesaro and Sheamus (Enzo and Cass)

This is a toss up for me. On one hand, Enzo and Cass haven’t been doing much of anything for some time, and it’s about time that they have a moment in the spotlight. They have also been throwing jabs at The Club for a while. However, I feel that The Club should keep them. Yes, they won the titles, which was a shining moment, but it’s hard to keep that shine going when you’re forced to job to Roman. Because…reasons. I want them to have it for a bit longer, but since when has RAW given me what I want? At least lately.

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs The Miz and Maryse (John and Nikki)

I guess I pick John Cena and Nikki because John Cena, but honestly, I don’t care.The only thing that will make me kind of care is if Cena and Nikki win and Cena proposes to her in the ring. (Yes, I’ve watched Total Divas!)

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Undertaker vs Roman Reigns (Roman…sigh) 

This match should be Roman vs Braun, but RAW destroyed that at Fastlane, so now we have Undertaker vs Roman. Because…reasons. This is mostly the cynic in me talking but since it is apparently required that Roman win all things, I don’t see a lot of hope for Undertaker.

Dean vs Corbin (Corbin)

As of this writing, it hasn’t been announced what kind of match this is going to be (or officially booked) but let’s talk about it anyway. This has actually been a cool feud to follow. I like Corbin’s I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude, and I think it pairs well with Dean’s insanity. I would love to see these two in a hardcore match where they just beat living hell out of each other and Corbin eventually wins it. The IC Title has been a bit lost with Dean, and I believe Corbin deserves a title. He’s had a great year since he joined the main roster and watching him defend a title would be interesting.

Neville vs Austin Aries (Neville)

It is really difficult to choose who wins this one. On one hand, this is Austin Aries’ return, and they’ve been setting this up for awhile, so, like the Randy/Bray match, it would seem like a bit of a let down if he loses. However, Neville has managed to revive interest in the cruiserweight division during his time as champion, and he is so good at being the King of the Cruiserweights that I would hate to see him lose it. Also, a longer Austin and Neville feud would be great, so possibly having Neville win dirty is the best way to go about this. Extra heel heat for Neville, and a reason for Aries to keep feuding with him. It could work.

AJ vs Shane (AJ)

Because if Shane wins,

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